MY CALLING (13 August 2014)
He showed me a short hallway, it’s walls painted in fresh white paint. I thought at first He was revealing more about the house I am believing Him for, but I was wrong. I followed this short hallway down. In front of me stood a room. I stopped just outside it. Although the door was opened, still, I lingered outside. Then I heard the Lord say, “I place before you an open door.”
Reverently I sunk to my knees and bowed my head. In silence I worshipped my God and my King. And I waited to hear more. For once I was patient without a struggle. “Be still and know I AM God." There I knelt as if I had all the time in the world just to listen. My time is His time. I wanted nothing more.
Then, the Lord said, “Step inside.”
I stood to my feet and stepped inside, into the brightest light I’ve ever seen. Slowly, I turned round and round and round. The room was not just bathed in light, it was filled with it. And in this light were flecks of gold. I asked the Lord to tell me more. Was this room my heart?
Suddenly, I heard my own voice saying words that had bypassed my brain. “I am ready to go. I am ready.” What I said surprised me, because my head still didn’t know where I was. Not exactly.
I got my answer straightaway. His voice answered, “I have made you a light to the nations.”
Twice in the past He’d said, “I give you the heathen (the nations) for your inheritance.” This was a confirmation of all He’d said before.
I didn’t know the time, but Chris had just come to bed. He is often up late. A part of me wanted to stay there in the light with the flecks of gold dancing through it, but I wanted to look in the
Word, and find these words spoken to me. It was another confirmation of my calling. A ministry friend’s prophetic words from earlier that day floated through my head,
“You have been chosen by God to do the good work of the Lord...It is written in the Bible (John 15:16) ‘You have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that you should go bear much fruit, and that your fruit should remain...”
I slipped out of bed quietly and slipped down the stairs to the Living Room. Isaiah. The book of Isaiah. But where? I looked in the concordance for the chapter and the verse, but the Lord disclosed this to me. Chapter 49. For days now I’d been praying a prayer of consecration. Isaiah‘s own. “You say, who shall go for us? Here I am, send me. Here I am, Lord, send me.”
I also had been saying, “I’m ready to go now. I believe in my heart that I am ready. I don’t feel ready, but I AM ready. I’m ready now, Lord, to go into the world.”
The Lord had taken me to Isaiah 49 several days back. He had told me it was mine, but His revelation had not quite sunk in.
For once I was quiet, instead of chattering away to Him in excitement. I went straight to Isaiah 49:6 first.
“And He said, It is a light thing (small) that you should be my servant to raise up the tribes of Jacob, and to restore the preserved of Israel...”
I knew exactly what He meant. Before He had raised me up in 2012 He had given me Isaiah 58. At first I felt so hurt, so offended, because all I could see was the one verse where He was telling me to stop pointing the finger, accusing, accusing, accusing, and I couldn’t accept that that’s exactly what I had been doing. In vanity. Emptiness. In lies. Judging by appearance. Like the world. So I broke down and cried, and basically felt so sorry for myself. I shouted at the Lord, “How can you say this? I’ve been trying so hard. Why should I even try? I can never please you no matter what I do.” After I said terrible things to Him, the one who had died to set me free, I went to bed, and cried for two weeks straight. I told myself that it did no good for me to try. Basically, I felt sorry for myself. It was just me, the only invited guest at a great big pity party for myself. But let me say this much. I had been greatly offended at first, but I couldn’t get this passage out of my head, and God used it to bring me to repentance after I heard those Shofars calling. Those what?! God’s heavenly shofars. And what happened then? Well, that’s a story for another time. I’ll just say this much--after I was forgiven,freed, healed, and loosed, then I read chapter 58 again, and I understood everything, especially that He wasn’t being mean or cold when He gave me His Word, in order to reprove, and correct my behavior, He was acting out of love. And then, it became clear what I was doing wrong, and what I needed to do to correct it. But that part about raising up the foundations of many generations, the repairer of the breach, the restorer of paths to dwell in? I wasn’t quite sure what He meant about that. Until now.
I continued reading, “I will also give thee for a light to the Gentiles, that thou mayest be my salvation unto the end of the earth.”
I looked on at verse 7, and gasped, “Thus saith the Lord, the Redeemer of Israel, and His Holy One (Jesus), to him whom man despises, to him whom the nation abhors (Okay, so I won’t win any popularity contests here on earth. So what?), to a servant of rulers, kings shall see and arise and worship, because the Lord is faithful, and the Holy One of Israel, and He shall choose thee.”
Let me pause for a sec and point out something here before any one things I’m on my high horse. They won’t be worshipping me. They’ll be worshipping God. I’m just the vessel, the servant lifting him up. That’s all.
My friend’s words danced before me--they have been God’s words to me all along, “I have chosen you. You are my chosen one.”
My gasp was at “Kings shall see thee and arise...” These words were the Lord’s exact words in several personal prophecies, and from the mouth of one sister in Christ who didn’t even know me.
Then the tears came as a flood washing over my face. I remained strangely silent yet worshipful in my heart to the God of my salvation as I kept reading, slowly and reverently.
“Thus saith the Lord, In an acceptable time I have heard thee, and in a day of salvation have I helped thee.”
How true was this. He has showed me mercy and grace. It has showered down upon me abundantly, though I did not deserve it. When I was yet an enemy He made me alive with Christ Jesus, not because I deserve it, but because of His grace, His love and His mercy. “By His grace, his ability, his love, his power, his mercy, I am saved.”
I looked back at verse 5,
“...And now saith the Lord that formed me from the womb to be His servant, to bring Jacob again to Him...”
Wow! And again to verse 8,
“...And I will preserve thee, and give thee for a covenant of the people.”
I found my voice. “Lord God, “ I began.
But He spoke instead. “A light to the nations,” He said. “The restorer of broken places.”
I closed eyes. I was back in that room filled with light where flecks of gold dance, that room that is my heart, and He is the light. I wanted to stay there. I wanted to stay. Forever.
At the beginning of the night His voice had whispered, “”Rest.” And this was rest, the quiet before the coming storm. “Rest" He said. “Just rest." In Him. I would endure the storm because I rest in Him.
World, I’m ready, are you?
A couple of nights ago He had said, “Who is he that condemns you?”
Who was he indeed.
Who is he indeed.